thoughts on tinder

25 thoughts every woman has had while slumming Tinder

1. No. Why would I "hit you up" on Snapchat and Instagram? I don't even know you!  No!

2. I think you're under the impression I have time to decode which of the five faces in every picture is you. Ain't nobody got time for that.

3.  Was your mom around when you decided to write about your "long dong?" Does that work for you? Ever?

4. You do know that "ur" is not an appropriate substitution for your or you're, right?

5. As intriguing as your one photo and no bio is... I think I'll swipe left.

6. Oh good, you like to live life on the edge, yolo and crap. I now know everything I need to know about your personality.

7. You are married. And she's into it. I'm not.

8. He's cute! Please be smart. Please be smart.

9. Awww you have a dog. And you like kids. Awwwwww.

10. Soooooo do you regularly take shirtless selfies at the gym? Isn't that awkward?

11. You're taking a break from your religion.  Like a coffee break? Lunch break? Walk me through this.

12. Asdf!#$$&2&!!!! This is totally my future husband. Please be a match. Please be a match! Pleaseeeeee! No match. Curse you, tinder!

13. Ok, so that's a girl you're kissing. On the lips. And you're here because...?

14. Geez, there sure are a lot of guns. And dead animals. And beards.

15. Oh. You take more selfies than I do and are more groomed than I am. Interesting.

16. Awwwww! He likes puppies and kids!

17. Do you think that's his kid?

18. Do you think he has baby mama drama?

19. Pfewf. Just his niece.

20. Uhhhhh if you are 25, I'm 64. Nice try, babyface.

21. FUHHHH. Accidentally swiped right. Now random Tinder fellow thinks I like him.

22. No I am not going to dissect every emoticon in your bio to make sense of who you are. USE YOUR WORDS.

23. What kind of a conversation starter is "hey?"

24. Look, a picture with his civic. Ooooh, you fancy, huh?

25. COME BACK! I didn't mean the left swipe!